Rankings, traffic, Domain Authority… none of them tell you whether you’re winning any more. AI systems aren’t judging your site – they’re judging your brand, across the entire web, and through time. In this session, we’ll tear up the vanity metrics, laugh at the futility of AI rank trackers, and explore how to measure what really matters: coherence, cultural salience, input quality, and whether your brand is even legible enough to be taken seriously.